The Doctor Is In
by kdinthecity
Summary: When Ursa suggests that Zuko go see Dr. Jung, the resident psychiatrist at the royal hospital, his response is, "So you want me to go have a warm and fuzzy conversation about my daddy issues with my sister's shrink who also happens to be my mother's lover?" Nothing is ever simple when it comes to the Fire Nation royal family. Companion fic to Darkness Before Dawn and Rising Tide.
1. Prologue

_Setting: Zuko and Ursa at dinner in the royal palace while Iroh, Katara, Aang, and Toph are on Ember Island preparing for the Winter Solstice Festival in three weeks_

* * *

Ursa: I think you should start seeing Dr. Jung.

Zuko: ( _choking on a bite of food_ ) Azula's brain doctor? Why?

U: Because he can help you with the dreams. And whatever else you need to talk to him about.

Z: I don't _need_ to talk to a brain doctor.

U: I thought you might say that. Look, I knew Dr. Jung before… when I… he and I… ( _starts to blush_ )

Z: Wait… did you and Dr. Jung…um?

U: We worked together when I left the Fire Nation. He helped me with my dreams… and he can help you, too.

Z: OK… so you want me to go have a warm and fuzzy conversation about my daddy issues with my sister's shrink who also happens to be my mother's lover?

* * *

 _Setting: Despite his initial reaction, Zuko gives it some consideration. When he sees Dr. Jung on the palace grounds the next day, he acts on a whim and asks to speak with him in his office._

Jung: Tea?

Zuko: _(nervously)_ Um, yes please.

J: ( _sarcastically_ ) To what do I owe this honor?

Z: How is my sister?

J: Well enough.

Z: Could you be a little more specific?

J: Well, her good days finally outweigh her bad, so that's progress. The bad ones are still pretty bad, though.

 _Dr. Jung sets a cup of tea in front of Zuko._

Z: I see.

J: There are some things from her past she needs to make peace with before she can move forward.

Z: I can understand that.

J: I have no doubt.

Z: _(takes a deep breath)_ Um, Dr. Jung, I need you to… err, I would like for you… uh… do you think there is anything you can do for me?

J: That depends on what your problem is.

Z: I'm not sleeping well.

J: The sun poppy works wonders for that. Surely you don't need me to brew your tea.

Z: No, I mean, I have these… nightmares.

J: Ah, yes… dreaming is the way the brain works itself out while you're sleeping. It's trying to make sense of things which is oftentimes why our dreams make no sense at all.

Z: Um, ok. Except that my dreams usually make perfect sense.

J: Well, the content of your dreams may make sense—to you, at least—but it doesn't make sense that you keep having them. If a nightmare is reoccurring, then you're harboring something that hasn't been resolved. Your brain keeps revisiting it, because it _can't_ sort it out.

Z: OK, that sounds… feasible… and hopeless.

J: It's difficult to work through, but not hopeless. I will help you if you are willing to be helped.

Z: Willing? But didn't I just ask you for help?

J: Yes, but you may not realize what you're asking.

Z: _(with voice rising)_ Well, if the sessions are going to be like this… where you are condescending and ambiguous, then maybe I'm not interested. _(crosses arms across chest)_

J: Is there anything else besides the dreams you'd like to work on? Anger perhaps?

Z: Oh, that's just rich. You know, whatever. Maybe this was a mistake.

 _Zuko pushes away his tea cup and stands to leave._

J: She told me you were a fighter. I didn't think you'd give up so easily.

Z: _She_ was the one who told me to come here in the first place. What, is helping me some sort of favor to her? Honestly, I don't know what she sees in you anyway.

J: You don't know what you're talking about.

Z: I know enough. And she's been through enough as it is. You should stay the bloody hell away from her if you know what's good for you!

 _A few intense seconds pass in which Dr. Jung appears to be suppressing his own anger. He then continues to speak in his even, detached tone._

J: As it stands, your mother won't see me. But this is not about her or me. This is about you. So YOU decide if you truly want to get better. I can make the dreams go away. I've done it before. I can help you handle your anger. I can help alleviate your pain. But I can't do any of it if you're not willing to do the work yourself.

 _Dr. Jung stands abruptly causing Zuko to jump._

J: And I think you SHOULD do it. You owe it to yourself. But even if you still need convincing, do it for your country, because you are a man of honor. Do it for your mother, because like you said, she's already been through enough. Do it for Katara. Because even though I don't really put much weight in young love, she was in here asking for help long before you knew you needed it. So, Fire Lord Zuko, be better for _them_ if not for yourself.

 _A few more seconds pass as Zuko considers Dr. Jung's words._

Z: I… will.

J: You don't sound convinced.

Z: I am. I WILL.

J: It will be hard. You won't like it.

Z: I don't like it already.

J: It may take some time before you see progress. When we start to uncover the deeper issues, you will feel very raw. It may seem very dark for a while.

Z: It's always darkest before the dawn.

J: Hmm. Yes, she used to tell me that, too.

* * *

 **Author's Notes:** The scenes above correspond directly with Chapters 24 and 26 of _Darkness Before Dawn_. Welcome to my side-fic featuring Zuko's sessions with Dr. Jung. Shhhh, don't tell Zuko that these conversations are being publicly recorded. Dr. Jung has assured him of doctor-patient confidentiality.

Actually that's a nice segue into me emphasizing the _very_ fictitious nature of this piece especially when it comes to psychiatric therapy. I have no idea if Dr. Jung is doing or saying the right things from a medical standpoint. I'm simply using this platform to delve into some of Zuko's issues in greater detail. I also have some ideas about Fire Nation family history and Ozai's personality and motivations, so this is one place to explore them.

I hope I'm not treading into dangerous territory here. I just encourage that it not be taken too seriously or scrutinized scientifically. In the Avatar day and time, Dr. Jung is on the cutting edge of a very new science. I've considered modeling his character and methods after early 20th century Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. I haven't done much of that, yet, but the idea still intrigues me. Otherwise, I have some varied personal experience with therapy (both positive and negative) that may or may not be reflected.

Also, the format here will be sort of like a screenplay or interview transcript so that hopefully it is easier to follow the dialogue.


	2. Session 1

_Setting: The next day back in Dr. Jung's office. It's the day Katara returns from her trip to Ember Island and a few weeks before Zuko's 18_ _th_ _birthday. It is also the morning after he and Sokka share several shots from his father's liquor cabinet._

Jung: You're hungover.

Zuko: ( _groaning_ ) Hmmmm.

 _Dr. Jung lets out an exasperated sigh and places a cup of tea in front of Zuko who has his head buried in his hands._

J: Drink. It will help.

Z: Can't we just do this another time?

J: We will do this plenty of other times. I hope you weren't thinking one session would be a cure-all. Now, you showing up in this condition, _that_ won't happen again. Drink your tea.

 _Several minutes of silence pass with Zuko sipping his tea and Dr. Jung shuffling through papers. At some point, Zuko starts to feel markedly better, and Dr. Jung decides to start their session._

J: Now, tell me about the day you got your scar.

Z: Wow. You cut right to the chase, don't you?

J: Well, that's what the dreams are about, right?

Z: Um, usually. Sometimes they're about—

J: No. The scar. We'll talk about other aspects of the dreams later. You need to revisit that day. You try to push it out of your mind, out of your conscious thought, but it is stuck in the unconscious part of your brain and therefore haunting your dreams. There is something there you need to get out. I don't know what it is, but maybe I can figure it out if you tell me what happened.

Z: There was an Agni Kai with my father. I lost. That's it.

J: You lost? As I heard it, you didn't fight.

Z: OK fine. I yielded.

J: So, why did you get burned?

Z: Because to yield in an Agni Kai is a demonstration of weakness and shame. The victor can burn his opponent if he yields. It is the mark of dishonor.

J: Why did you yield instead of fight?

Z: I… didn't want to fight my father.

J: Why?

Z: It wasn't my place.

J: What was your place then?

Z: I was—am… his son? I was supposed to be loyal and obedient.

J: But he commanded you to fight. So, you weren't being obedient…

Z: I was scared shitless, is that what you want me to say?

J: I don't want you to say what you think I want to hear. Of course you were scared. But you don't have to be scared now. That's what we're trying to figure out here.

Z: ( _Pinches the bridge of his nose_ ) I don't know. It just didn't seem right. A father dueling a son. A man fighting a child. A master facing a novice. I think back about all the things that were so wrong about it, but in that moment, I just wanted… I wanted him to see that I was trying so hard to be what he wanted me to be, but…

 _Zuko pauses to reach for his tea cup and finds it empty. Dr. Jung responds by refilling it and then eyes him expectantly._

Z: I remember thinking at the time, if I had fought my father, I would have shamed him. Azula was the firebending prodigy. I was studying to get an edge on politics and war tactics because I figured that would be the most useful when I became Fire Lord. That's why I wanted to go into the war room that day. I didn't realize I could shame him that way, too.

J: OK, so let me get this straight. You wanted to impress your father in the war meeting, but obviously that didn't go as planned. Then, you thought you'd embarrass your father further by your lack of firebending prowess during the fight if you'd had one?

Z: Yeah, I guess. It sounds ridiculous now.

J: How does an Agni Kai end when it is fought?

Z: Supposedly when someone is burned. But more likely when someone dies.

J: So either way, you knew you'd end up burned in the end.

Z: I don't think I had much time to think about all potential outcomes. I screwed up, and I was sorry, so I said as much. I've replayed it in my mind so many ways since then, but what's the point in that, right?

J: Did you ever consider that he might have killed you?

Z: I… uh… not then, no. He tried to another time, though.

J: Zuko, did he hurt you often?

 _Dr. Jung's eyes focus intently on Zuko's face first but then trail down his torso, implying there might be scars elsewhere._

Z: No. Only the Agni Kai and the day of the eclipse. He threatened… a lot… especially after mom left, but he never…

J: What happened on the day of the eclipse?

Z: I confronted him and told him I was going to join the Avatar. Then he shot lightening at me. Uncle had taught me how to redirect it.

J: So there was no doubt he tried to kill you then.

Z: It's not surprising. I knew what kind of man he was by then. Plus I was about to betray the Fire Lord and my country. Those were real acts of treason, punishable by death, not some disrespectful comment I'd made in the war room.

J: Zuko, do you think you deserved his punishment? Either the Agni Kai or for these acts of treason, as you put it?

Z: I… uh… feel like the answer should be no.

J: Don't answer what should be. Answer what is. What do you really think?

Z: Joining the Avatar was not wrong. My dad was about to burn down the entire Earth Kingdom, treason or not, there was no way I could stand by his side and let that happen… and even when I spoke out in the war meeting, I was defending those who were helpless in the pathway of war's destruction.

J: So you don't think that what you did was wrong. Yet you still suffered at the hands of your father.

 _Zuko reflects that under different circumstances he would normally feel nervous or outraged by this point. Yet he feels calm and centered. He wonders what is in the tea._

Z: He should've been a better father. He should've been the one to teach me. He should listen to what I have to say and correct me if I'm wrong, but not shame me for having my own thoughts or standing up for what I believe. And if I fuck up, he should take me in the next room and hell, I dunno what normal fathers do, but not burn their kid's face off in front of the entire Fire Nation court. I was only thirteen. I just wanted to _be_ like…

 _Zuko stops short when his voice cracks with emotion. He swallows hard, takes a deep breath, and continues._

Z: None of that matters now. I want to be better than him.

J: So you plan to be a better father, I take it?

Z: I meant a better Fire Lord. I don't know if I could be a father.

J: Well, you need a successor, right?

Z: Dr. Jung, I'm seventeen. I don't even have a wife.

J: Does becoming a father scare you?

Z: Um, hello? Seventeen. Not planning on becoming a father anytime soon. Maybe never.

J: Never? So you've at least given it that much thought.

Z: OK, so yeah. I need a successor. I'm just scared that whatever this is, it's in the blood, you know?

J: I don't know. What is "it?"

Z: This anger. Rage. Need for world dominance. Whatever has made the past three generations of Fire Lords go fucking mad. Whatever is about to push me over the edge, too. And whatever it is that happened to Azula…

J: So you are scared of becoming like your father.

Z: I thought that much was obvious.

J: OK, I think our session should be over for today, but I have homework for you. I need you to make two lists. One is ways that you think you are similar to your father, the other ways that you are different.

Z: I have to do this by tomorrow?

J: No, no, meeting every day would be too intense. We should meet once a week.

Z: But you see Azula every day?

J: Azula's condition is very different from yours. I check on her once a day, yes, but even she needs recovery time between some of our more focused sessions.

Z: Yeah, I've seen her after some of those sessions.

J: At some point I will see you two together, but that is not for a while. Also, having sessions with your mother is not a bad idea.

Z: No. I told you to leave my mother alone.

J: I know you have these… _ideas_ … about your mother and me, but I see a lot of potential for healing in your family, Zuko. I really think the three of you can put your past behind you. Believe me, I want to see you all free from Ozai, the wretched bastard that he is.

Z: Katara told me doctors are supposed to be detached and uncaring. You've been spot on until now. Tell me this isn't personal… somehow… for you.

J: I care, Zuko. About you and your family, hell the Fire Nation and the rest of the world. All of it matters to me. And I have a job to do. See you next week.

* * *

 **A/N:** This corresponds with Chapter 29 of _Darkness Before Dawn_.


	3. The Lists

_Setting: A few days later, the turtleduck pond_

Katara: What are you doing?

Zuko: Oh, um, something for Dr. Jung. I've started having sessions with him. To help with the dreams?

K: Zuko, I would be careful with Dr. Jung. I don't think he's trustworthy.

Z: I know. But he's the only one qualified to help Azula. And he's willing to help me, too, so I've got to try at least.

K: So what did he ask you to do?

Z: Make a list of ways I'm like my father and ways that I'm not.

K: Oh. Well, we know which list will be longer, of course.

Z: You'd be surprised…

K: Zuko, I'm not sure if you know about Dr. Jung—

Z: That he loves my mother? Yeah, I know. I've forbidden it.

K: You what? You forbade him from loving her?

Z: No! I mean, I've forbidden them from seeing each other. It's just… not what she needs right now.

K: Well, _that_ sounds a lot like something…

Z: Like what?

K: Nevermind. Can I see the list?

 **Column 1 - Ways I Am Like My Father: I look like him (except for the scar)**

 **Column 2 – Ways I Am Not Like My Father: I am not stark raving mad… yet.**

K: That's it?

Z: So far.

 _Zuko adds another item to the list with Katara looking over his shoulder._

 **Column 1 – We both love my mother and sister.**

K: Do you really think he loves them?

Z: Of course he loves Azula. She was his prize, his prodigy. My mother told me that she had loved him once. I'd like to think that he loved her back even if it was in his own sadistic way. It's the only way I can think of him as still human.

 **Column 1 – We are both human.**

K: _(laughing)_ Next you're going to write that you both have hands, feet, hair, you're from the Fire Nation, and so on. I don't think that's what Dr. Jung had in mind.

Z: Ugh. This is harder than I thought it would be.

K: Do you want me to help?

 _Zuko shrugs._

K: How about we start with ways that you are different?

Z: I have no desire to take over the world.

K: That's something. You banned the Agni Kai, so…

Z: I think problems should be solved through reasoned discussion, not violence.

K: Good, good.

 _Katara adds those two things to Column 2. She offers to do the writing while Zuko talks._

Z: I respect others' opinions. I know that I'm not always right. In fact, I'm probably wrong most of the time.

K: Hmmm.

 **Column 2 – Respects others' opinions**

 **Column 1 – Skewed sense of self-worth**

Z: Hey, I didn't say that.

K: It's not so much what you said, but what I inferred from it.

Z: Is this a session with Dr. Katara now?

K: Here's the deal, Zuko. Ozai has an over-inflated sense of self. He thought he was all powerful and all deserving. You seem to think that you are weak and deserve nothing. I'm not saying they're the same, but how you view yourself drives what you do. So, a skewed sense of self can lead to destructive decisions, no matter what end of the spectrum it's on.

Z: Um, ok. I never thought about it that way.

K: Think about it this way. We often consider arrogant people to be selfish. But self-pity is just another way of being selfish. In both cases, the person is being self-centered, just for different reasons.

Z: OK, OK your point is made. I'm a selfish prat. Can we move on?

K: I think this is an area you'll need to work on, Zuko. For so long you've felt worthless either because you've told yourself that or someone else did. If you realize your true self-worth, then you will do great things for the Fire Nation and the world. I really believe that.

Z: I want that. I want to be that person you're talking about, Katara.

K: You can. And you will.

 **Column 2 – Never gives up without a fight.**

Z: I'm pretty sure that applies to my father, too.

K: When did Ozai have to fight for anything? He ruled by fear from behind a pillar of flames. He challenged children to battles. Someone else secured his crown for him, and then he self-proclaimed the phoenix king title. No, he was not a fighter. He was a manipulator. There is no honor in that.

 **Column 2 – Works hard to reclaim honor even though it was never lost.**

Z: Dr. Jung is going to know you helped me.

 **Column 2 – Has a super awesome waterbender girlfriend.**

Z: Hey! This is serious! Have you talked to that guy? He's as stiff as a boar-q-pine, and I don't want him to go all prickly on me.

K: Has he given you any medicine? Anything that makes you feel weird?

Z: No, just this tea that made my brain feel really sharp and clear. It was great, actually.

K: The tea sounds fine. If he gives you anything that makes you see visions or makes you feel like you're in a trance, will you let me know? And if anything he says or does makes you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to do it, OK? Yes, he's a doctor, and he's done tons of research in his field. But the brain is very complicated, and the science is very new. Just… be careful. Please.

Z: Of course, Katara. Thank you.

* * *

 **A/N:** This occurs in between the end of _Darkness Before Dawn_ and the beginning of _Rising Tide_.


	4. Session 2

_Setting: Dr. Jung's office, a week after session one and two weeks before Zuko turns 18_

Jung: I want to talk about the day your father shot lightening at you.

Zuko: Aren't we going to go over the lists?

J: Hmm, yes. At some point we will, but not today.

Z: _(folds arms and pouts)_ Will we at least have the tea?

J: Hmm, no tea today. Although I do appreciate you showing up sober this time.

 _Zuko grumbles and sinks down in his chair._

J: OK, then. So tell me why your father shot lightening at you on the day of the eclipse.

Z: _(rolls eyes)_ We went over this already. To kill me, of course.

J: Did he say anything before he did it?

Z: Um, something about banishment being too merciful a penalty for treason.

J: Right. Because banishment was the penalty for, what was it? Speaking out of turn?

Z: He was talking about my mother. That she was banished for treason. He never said exactly what she did, but…

J: Do you know what she did?

Z: I have an idea. Whatever it was, she did it to save me.

J: How does that make you feel? That your mother would risk everything to save you and that your father would banish or even kill you without thinking?

Z: Oh, he was thinking alright.

J: How do you mean?

Z: Everything he did was for a purpose. The Agni Kai, my banishment, it had to be calculated. He was looking for a way to get rid of me.

J: And the lightening?

Z: Well, I don't think he planned that. I was the one who confronted him. Up until that point, he believed Azula's lies that I killed the Avatar. He had welcomed me home and said my honor was restored.

J: So how does that part fit into his calculations? If he wanted you gone so badly in the first place?

Z: It doesn't matter. It was all based on lies. And I didn't want my honor I realized. I just wanted… a father. But he was never that.

 _Dr. Jung pours a cup of tea. It is the same blend from the previous session. Zuko looks at him questioningly but sips the tea in anticipation of its effects._

J: It's not making any sense. Your father. His motivations. His actions. Sometimes after I talk to Azula, I have half a mind to go interrogate Ozai myself.

Z: He won't help you. Not if he knows that you're trying to help us. And _especially_ if knows you care about my mother.

J: How would he know any of that?

Z: Mind games. He'd figure it out just by talking to you. He'd get you to reveal it somehow, your weakness. Actually, he might make a good case study for you, now that I think about it.

J: Err, okay. Let's ahhh, talk about the dreams, then. What happens in your dreams?

Z: We already talked about this. I dream about the damned Agni Kai.

J: So you never dream about the day of the eclipse.

Z: No.

J: Even though he tried to kill you that day.

Z: No.

J: What was the difference then?

Z: I fought back. I stood up to him and spoke my mind. And I redirected the lightening.

J: You redirected the lightening back to him?

Z: Yes.

J: But you didn't kill him.

Z: No, I didn't aim to kill him. Just knock him down.

J: So after all you'd been through and with the war and everything, you didn't kill him?

Z: It was the Avatar's destiny to deal with my father. Not mine.

J: But the Avatar didn't kill him, either.

Z: I know.

J: Would you kill him if you had a chance?

Z: I… don't know.

J: Do you think he deserves to die?

Z: I…uh. Well, a lot of people died because of him.

J: Do you think he deserves to die?

Z: I'm not a killer.

J: You're not answering the question.

Z: I'm not… like that.

J: Like what?

Z: How would I know what someone deserves?

J: So, he's in prison for the rest of his life. Is that what he deserves?

Z: I guess?

J: But perhaps that's not enough. You said the penalty for treason was death…

Z: I didn't say that. _He_ said that.

J: But we could all agree that Ozai committed countless acts of treason. You're the Fire Lord now. No one would blame you for—

Z: I _said_ I'm not like that.

J: Like what?

Z: I AM NOT LIKE MY FATHER!

 _Several minutes pass with Zuko breathing heavily and Dr. Jung calmly staring at him._

J: OK, that's it for our session today. I want you to keep a dream journal. Write down every detail from your dreams.

 _Zuko nods and accepts parchment._

J: I sense that whatever you said and did on the day of the eclipse secured a good amount of closure for you. It marked a turning point in your life, and that is when your healing process began.

Z: Um, okay.

J: There is something still lingering from the Agni Kai. Maybe we just need to discuss it in further detail. Maybe something from the dream journal will enlighten us. But whatever fear you had back then still plagues you now. Don't hold back. _(points to parchment)_ Write every detail, even if it is hard. Even if you think I won't want to read it… trust me, I've probably seen worse.

 _Zuko wonders if Dr. Jung asked his mother to keep a dream journal, too. He knew that if he read it, he would likely march down to the prison and kill Ozai on the spot. He realizes that yes, he would kill to avenge the ones he loves. Even if he won't avenge himself._

* * *

 **A/N:** This occurs in between the end of _Darkness Before Dawn_ and the beginning of _Rising Tide_.

As a side note, Dr. Jung absolutely despises Ozai and would rather see him dead. Because of his relationship with Ursa and the fact that he knows exactly what kind of abuse Ozai has inflicted on her, Azula, and Zuko, he is NOT objective when talking about the former Fire Lord. His line of questioning here is a bit leading and probably not the most productive in terms of actual healing. Everyone has their own issues, it would seem, even the brain doctor.


	5. Session 3

**A/N:** This occurs in between the end of _Darkness Before Dawn_ and the beginning of _Rising Tide_.

* * *

 _Setting: Dr. Jung's office, one week before the Winter Solstice Festival/Zuko's birthday celebration  
_

J: Do you see all these books and scrolls I have here in my office?

Z: Um, yeah. They're kinda hard to miss.

J: All Earth Kingdom literature. Either from there or written by me.

Z: Okaaaay, makes sense.

J: Your mother was the first person to show me that I needed to expand my horizons. I learned a lot by working with her, and as a consequence, from the Fire Nation.

Z: Rrrrright. Uncle says it's important to draw wisdom from more than one source. So, what's next? Planning a field trip to the Water Tribes?

J: Well, no, but I was thinking of expanding my library to include some Fire Nation texts. Do you have any recommendations?

Z: Uhhhh… I'm not sure you have room for any more books in here, honestly. But if you want recommendations on medical texts, you should probably ask someone like Dr. Yang. Lately I've only been reading historical and political texts.

J: I _am_ interested in Fire Nation history and politics, actually. I just finished reading my first text, in fact. I was wondering if you've read it, and if so, perhaps we could discuss?

 _Dr. Jung places a worn set of bound parchment on his desk in front of Zuko. The title reads "The Regulations and Formalities of the Agni Kai." Zuko supports his forehead with his hand while propping his elbow up on the desk._

Z: _(groans)_ Yes, this is required reading at the Academy.

J: Oh, so you must be aware of the rule that Academy students are forbidden to engage in Agni Kai until after they graduate?

Z: Of course, I'm aware. Look, I know what you're getting at—

J: I also found it interesting that you didn't face the general you spoke out against, but your father instead. There are rules about providing a stand-in for one's Agni Kai. Was the general injured or ill that day so that he could not fight you?

Z: No.

J: And how was the Agni Kai challenge issued exactly? I had no idea there were so many rules, but it seems like—

Z: _(yelling)_ Do you think any of that matters? There are hundreds of things that were wrong about that Agni Kai, but my father was Fire Lord with absolutely no regard for the rules. HE MADE HIS OWN RULES. It was up to the rest of us to guess what they were, and Agni help us if we could follow them without getting hurt. You can see how well that worked out for me. _(points at face)_

J: Well, that was something else I wanted to ask you about. The mark of dishonor you spoke of. Do you remember what the text says about that?

Z: I… _(pauses to think and calm himself)_ I don't actually. I might have skipped over that part in school. I must've thought I would never yield in a fight. Ha.

J: Well, there are two options when a person yields. The victor can offer "mercy upon conditions," which ends up being a contractual agreement to settle in some other way. Or there's the "mark of dishonor," given to the defeated with head bowed, in a kneeling position by a firm grip to the _shoulder_. It is not meant to be a crippling blow nor to provide public daily shame. It would be visible, however, the next time that person engages in an Agni Kai.

Z: I… OK. Thanks for the history lesson. I banned the Agni Kai, so…

J: Zuko…

 _Dr. Jung pauses to serve some of his special blend of tea. They both sip for a while in silence._

J: You're right, I do have too many books in here. I do recall acquiring _one_ book from the Fire Nation early in my career. I despised the fact that I needed it, but with so many refugees coming to Ba Sing Se, I found it useful.

 _Zuko stares into his tea cup and does not make eye contact._

J: It was about burn care.

Z: Do you… have any questions for me today? Or just these… lectures.

J: I'm trying to make sense of some things.

Z: If you're trying to make sense of what my father did, then don't. It doesn't—it won't make sense.

J: Do you know why he burned your face instead of your shoulder?

Z: No.

J: Facial burns are quite serious. Any closer to your nose or mouth, and you could've died from smoke inhalation. Any closer to your ear, and you could've lost your hearing or even your sense of balance. I'm actually shocked you can still see out of that eye.

Z: _(visibly shaken)_ Is this… do you have a point with all of this?

J: I'm sorry. You're right. It must have just been… ( _pauses to sip tea_ )… like you said, he makes up his own rules. And it's impossible to understand. I just thought if we knew why, we could have insight into the dreams, that's all.

Z: I was crying.

J: Hmm?

Z: Maybe he burned my face because I was crying, and he saw that as weakness. Or I was looking up at him, begging for forgiveness, instead of bowing down in submission. Everything I did was wrong in his eyes… I … (voice cracks)

J: What was the last thing you saw? His fist coming at you?

Z: N-n-no. I saw… his face.

J: Is that what you see in your dreams?

Z: No. I see mine.


	6. Happy Birthday Zuzu

_Settting: Hospital psychiatric ward where Azula is staying, the day of the Winter Solstice_

Jung: Good morning, Azula, I trust you slept well.

Azula: ( _agitated_ ) Something is going on out there. Ming won't tell me. What is it?

J: Oh. It's the Winter Solstice Festival.

A: Winter Solstice? Why would we celebrate that? It's a most unlucky day.

J: Why is it unlucky?

A: It's Zuzu's birthday.

J: Um, okay. Is it unlucky because it's his birthday or because it's the Winter Solstice… or both?

A: Ugh, you Earth Kingdom peasants are completely worthless.

J: Azula, we've been through this before. I'm not here to talk about me. I'm here to talk about you.

A: Well MY birthday is on the Summer Solstice, the luckiest day of the year.

J: OK, so it has to do with the seasons, then. Winter is bad, summer is good?

A: You really are dense, Dr. Juju. It has to do with the sun. I should've known the Winter Solstice was coming. I could feel the days getting shorter in my blood. ( _stretches and yawns_ )

J: So is that how it was growing up? You were the lucky one?

A: Oh yes, I was born lucky. Tell me, doctor. Is Zuzu getting a huge party today? I'm sure they make a big fuss over the Fire Lord's birthday.

J: I suppose that's what the Winter Solstice Festival is all about, yes.

A: Unlucky day. ( _mumbles to self_ ) Lucky to be born… ( _stares off into space_ )

J: Azula? Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?

A: Father used to throw me huge parties for my birthday. He'd invite all my friends from the Academy. It was a grand affair.

J: I'm sure it was… nice.

A: Zuzu didn't want to go, but mother always made him.

J: Makes sense. He's your brother after all.

A: He never got parties. Only mother would celebrate his birthday. They'd eat fruit tarts by the turtleduck pond. It was… so pathetic. Of course, I had to join, too. Mother insisted.

J: Well, and you're his sister. It sounds like your mother tried to keep things fair.

A: FAIR!? Things were hardly fair!

J: You're right. You got lavish parties and Zuko didn't. That doesn't seem fair.

A: You don't know what you're talking about, Mother!

J: Oh, has she joined our session now? ( _sighs_ )

A: I hated the turtleducks. And I hated fruit tarts. And I hated that damn song!

J: Azula, it's ok. We can talk about something else now.

A: ( _singing_ ) Happy Birthday to you.

J: Azula…

A: Happy Birthday to you.

 _Azula tucks her knees under her chin and starts rocking back and forth._

A: Happy Birthday dear Zuzu…

J: Azula…

A: Happy Birthday to you. ( _stares off into space and continues humming the song_ )

 _Dr. Jung is unable to break Azula from her trance and deems their session over for the day._

J: ( _sighs_ ) I'll see you tomorrow, then. Take care, Azula.

* * *

 **A/N:** I am told that the Swiss pronunciation of "Jung" is with the "J" making the sound of a "Y." However, in my mind, it's always been a "J" sound as in "June" or "Jude" (his name does not rhyme with dung, in other words) and I really do imagine Azula giving him the pet name, "Dr. Juju."

So, I threw this one in there for two reasons. One, to present a little background on Zuko and Azula's childhood in regard to how their parents treated them. Yeah, so it may be a little far-fetched to have Azula's birthday on the Summer Solstice, but she'd definitely be a summer baby in my head canon. So that means she turned 15 just before Sozin's Comet, and she is 16 during this fic (and she and Zuko are 18 months apart).

Also, I haven't mentioned her much in my fics so far, but I haven't forgotten about Azula. She's rattling around in my head canon, but I'm not entirely sure what to do with her, yet. I'm also not exactly sure what's _wrong_ with her, either. Clearly at the end of season three, she's had a mental/emotional breakdown which is understandable given her circumstances and upbringing. But she is also hallucinating... which would suggest something more serious, like possible schizophrenia.

I think it's entirely plausible that the Fire Nation royal family carries a genetic predisposition for mental disorders. Typically these things surface in late adolescence or early adulthood. I mean, Sozin seemed like a pretty normal guy in the beginning of the episode _The Avatar and the Fire Lord_ , but then all of the sudden, he gets all weird about world domination and shit. For Ozai, the best I can come up with is a psychopathic narcissistic personality disorder.

I actually like Azula. I think she is a well-crafted villain for the show. I felt bad for her when she realizes that Ozai has basically cast her aside in his plans to take over the world. Not because I wanted her to become a champion by her father's side, but because she had been so disillusioned by him, and he left her completely broken. So, yes, Ozai burned Zuko and banished him, but he was able to get away from his father and was then cared for and influenced by his uncle. Azula was not so lucky. So, her road to recovery and possible redemption will be long and hard... but I believe it can happen.


	7. Session 4

**A/N:** This directly corresponds with Chapter 17 in _Rising Tide._

* * *

 _Setting: Dr. Jung's office, after Zuko gets back from his second trip to Ember Island  
_

Jung: You missed our last session.

Zuko: Sorry, I went to Ember Island for a few days. And then I was in the hospital… and then I went back to Ember Island. You didn't know?

J: I was more than aware of your absence. I had to deal with a situation with Azula's guard, Ming. Then I had to lay low myself for a while.

Z: Yeah, I heard about that. Um… sorry.

J: I may have heard a little about what happened to you… and your uncle. Do you want to talk about it?

Z: No.

J: Hmmm. OK, then. How is the dream journal coming along?

Z: I didn't take it to Ember Island with me… I was sorta kidnapped by my friends. And I didn't have it in the hospital. So, I haven't started it.

J: ( _sighs_ ) OK, then. So, I have another assignment for you. I want you to write out everything you remember from the Agni Kai. Start wherever you'd like, at breakfast that day, putting on your socks, whenever, but make sure you include all interactions you had with your father. And end it with the last thing you remember. You said it was his face, so describe it.

Z: ( _groans_ ) Didn't we already talk about it enough?

J: I want something to compare the dream journal to. You said something interesting in our last session. It seems like you are a spectator in your dreams, not actually experiencing it like you did in real life. That's why I want you to write what happened exactly. Spare no details.

Z: But… but… I'm not a very good writer.

J: Nonsense. Your Fire Lord duties require you to write all the time. There's a desk over there in the corner. Here's some parchment and a quill.

Z: What, you want me to do it here? Now?

J: Yes.

Z: But… _(makes noise of frustration)_

J: I also want to make sure YOU do the work. Not someone else. _(raises an eyebrow)_

Z: What? How would someone…? OK… fine!

 _Zuko sits at small corner desk. After writing a line or two, he scratches it out. Again at mid-page, he crosses things out. He grips his hair in frustration casting occasional glances at Dr. Jung who pays him no attention whatsoever._

 _Ursa bursts in suddenly and flings herself in Dr. Jung's arms. She is sobbing violently and in obvious distress. She does not notice Zuko._

J: ( _after some hesitation, he embraces her_ ) Shhhhhhh. Ursa, it's OK. You're safe now.

 _A few minutes go by with Ursa crying and Zuko watching in horror._

Ursa: I went to see him.

J: _(angrily)_ You did what!?

U: I shouldn't have. It was terrible. Jung! Please, erase the memory of it. Make it go away!"

 _Ursa cups Dr. Jung's cheek as if to kiss him. Dr. Jung gently coaxes her aside and retrieves a tea bag from his desk drawer._

J: Ursa, this is not what you need right now. And… now is not a good time.

U: Why are you pushing me away?

J: Ursa, take this tea. It's a calming blend. Go see Dr. Yang.

U: You don't… want me?

J: No! I mean, yes… dammit. Ursa, we can talk later, OK?

U: Jung, I need you now!

J: But Ursa—

 _Ursa walks toward Jung, and he backs away from her. She looks hurt._

J: Ursa! I have a patient! Will you please leave?

U: (stops moving) Oh!

 _A stunned Ursa turns to meet a wide-eyed Zuko._

U: Zuko, what are you doing here?

Z: I… uhhhh…"

 _Ursa crosses the room and looks over Zuko's shoulder to read what he wrote._

U: ( _gasps_ ) Oh, Zuko…

 _Zuko quickly covers the parchment and looks helplessly at Dr. Jung._

J: _(clears throat)_ Ursa, please. Do you mind? _(points to door)_

 _She hesitates, looks at them both for a few seconds, then leaves._

J: Sorry about that, Zuko. I very rarely get interruptions, but I'll be sure to lock the door next time.

Z: I… it's ok.

J: So… you didn't tell her you were seeing me?

Z: No. She would be… she'd get all… motherly about it. _You_ didn't tell me she was _seeing_ you, either.

J: She's not. I haven't seen her in months. I don't know why she would go… _(flushes with anger)_ I'm sorry. This is your session. Let's get back to it. How's the writing going?

Z: It's hard.

J: Well, I just want you to know that whatever you say… or write… in here is confidential. I won't tell your mother… or anyone for that matter.

Z: Thanks. I'm sure it wouldn't instill much confidence in me as a leader… if people knew.

J: Do you think doing this makes you weak?

Z: Ah, no? Yes… I don't know.

J: Well, it doesn't. It takes a lot of courage to admit when you need help. We're hard-wired to think we can handle everything on our own, but we're not meant to live that way. We're relational beings. Which is why dysfunctional relationships are the most devastating to us. It's why when one relationship goes badly, we look for solace in another.

Z: I guess so.

J: Healing from your past hurts so that you can have healthy relationships in the future is the best thing you can do for yourself. You are strong, Zuko. You can do this.

Z: I can't. Do this. Right now. _(hands over parchment)_

J: It's fine. Do you want to go over this first part you wrote?

Z: No.

J: Well, then take it and keep working on it.

Z: No.

J: Zuko, what's the…?

Z: You say that I am strong, but doing this doesn't make me feel strong. It makes me feel shame. I'm tired of taking one step forward and two steps back.

J: Any movement forward is progress.

 _Zuko sighs and refuses to make eye contact._

J: OK, I won't push you. We'll pick up next week, then. If you have any dreams, record them in the journal.

Z: OK. _(stands to leave, lingers in doorway)_ Dr. Jung?

J: Yes, Zuko?

Z: I don't know what my mother needs right now. If it's a doctor… or a lover… but I don't think that you should be both.

J: I think you're right, Zuko. I just want to see her _free_ from all this. I will do whatever I can to help her find healing.

Z: ( _sighs_ ) I wish you could just erase it, like she said.

 _Dr. Jung does not respond, his expression, grim._

* * *

 **A/N:** So, it is not unusual for emotionally unstable people in a rehab situation or even a patient-doctor relationship to develop an attachment to their caregiver. Dr. Jung and Ursa were coworkers first before they were lovers, and they really weren't even that, they just shared an intimate moment when Ursa was feeling especially vulnerable and Dr. Jung was feeling especially protective. He was never technically her doctor even though he treated her, and most recently, she told herself not to trust him because he had been the one to erase her memories and subject her to becoming a Joo Dee. Regardless, the attachment is still there, and when Ozai causes her suffering, yet again, she runs straight to Dr. Jung for comfort.

Zuko doesn't know about the Joo Dee thing, yet.

Also, I wanted to address the stigma of weakness associated with seeking out psychotherapy or any kind of help for that matter. It shouldn't be that way. It is sometimes hard to admit when we have a problem and even harder to admit to needing help, but it is so much better to get help than to let a problem exacerbate.


	8. Session 5

**A/N:** This corresponds with _Rising Tide_ : Chapters 17-18. _  
_

* * *

 _Setting: Dr. Jung's office, a week later_

Zuko: Here. I did it.

 _Zuko plops a stack of parchment on Dr. Jung's desk._

Jung: What's this?

Z: What you asked for. A detailed account of that day.

J: Oh, I thought… OK, very well then. ( _thumbs through the pages_ ) And the dream journal?

Z: It's there, too.

 _Dr. Jung finds there are in fact two separate bundles of parchment. He puts them in separate stacks on his desk. He then gets out his tea pot to start making tea. When he looks back at Zuko, he notices how incredibly tired the young Fire Lord looks._

J: How has it been? Writing all these things down.

Z: I wasn't planning to write about it, but I found that it helped. Whenever I wake up from the dreams. To, uhh, write about reality… I guess.

J: That would probably be a better time to write about the dreams. When they are fresh on your mind.

Z: (f _orcefully_ ) NO. ( _a pause_ ) Sorry, I mean, no. The dreams have been so garbled lately. I c-c-can't collect my thoughts well enough to write about them right away. I need the other to keep me centered. Fuck… I can't believe this. I need the memory of my trauma to recover from the aftermath of my nightmares. This is so fucked up.

 _Zuko rakes a hand through his hair. Dr. Jung then sees the dark circles under his eyes. He rummages in his desk for a different blend of tea._

J: How often have you had the dreams this past week?

Z: ( _whispers_ ) Every. Single. Night.

J: Hmm. I think we're on the verge of a breakthrough.

Z: D-do you know why? Why it's worse?

J: I suspect because you're facing your past now. You're uncovering what you've suppressed, and it's painful. I warned you this might happen, but I promise it will get better. Now, come with me. ( _He pockets the packet of tea leaves_.)

Z: Where are we going?

 _Zuko follows Dr. Jung down the hospital hallway. They meet up briefly with Dr. Yang and Katara. Dr. Jung leans in to ask Dr. Yang something. Zuko and Katara exchange knowing glances, and she strokes his arm. Dr. Jung notices that Katara also looks very tired._

 _They end up in Dr. Yang's office which is quite a bit bigger than Dr. Jung's. He instructs for Zuko to lie on the couch while he searches for a tea pot._

J: Impossible woman! I can't believe she doesn't have a tea pot in here. Zuko, just rest there. I'll be right back.

 _When Dr. Jung returns, he finds Zuko fast asleep on the couch. So, he didn't need the sun poppy tea after all. But this is exactly what the doctor intended for today's session. To allow the Fire Lord some much-needed rest. He pulls out the stacks of parchment that Zuko had given him earlier._

 _Zuko sleeps._

 _Jung reads._

 _Then the doctor makes a startling connection._


	9. Session 6

**A/N:** This corresponds with _Rising Tide,_ Chapter 19: Human Resources.

* * *

 _Setting: Dr. Yang's office since Dr. Jung thought it might be more comfortable for their sessions_

Jung: Zuko, can you tell me how you feel when you wake up from a dream? Last week you said something about not being able to collect your thoughts.

Zuko: Um, yeah. So, disoriented, I guess.

J: Anything else?

Z: Hot.

J: Like on fire?

Z: Uhhhh.

J: Or angry?

Z: Yes? Maybe.

J: So hot anger, but not on fire. Sorry, I'm not a firebender, so you might have to explain it to me.

Z: Um, yes. This sort of blood boiling feeling all over that I get when I'm angry.

J: Do you ever firebend right when you wake up?

Z: I, uhhh, burn the bed sometimes, yes.

J: How? With what?

Z: M-my hands. Fists.

J: I see. Do you find that punching the bed helps you release the anger?

Z: No. I don't know. Sometimes it's like it's still part of the dream. I told you, I'm disoriented when I wake up.

 _Zuko appears to be getting agitated, so Jung offers him tea. It is a calming blend._

J: When you wake up, do you ever want to hurt someone? I know you, yourself wouldn't, but in those moments of disorientation?

 _Zuko's hands are shaking so much, he can barely manage a sip of his tea._

Z: I… it… um…

J: Take your time.

Z: It… happened once. Oh Agni, I hope only once. I don't remember much except it was Katara's ice barrier that saved her before I…

J: Before you what?

Z: I c-c-can't say it. F-f-fuck, I can't believe I almost…

J: Did you almost hit her? With a fiery fist?

 _Zuko nods, sets down his tea cup, and buries his head in his hands. He lets out a cry of pained frustration. Dr. Jung waits several minutes before speaking._

J: A few weeks ago, you said something about your dreams that struck me. It was as if you were experiencing the events as a spectator, not yourself. Initially I assumed this was your way of detaching yourself. It would be too painful to relive it, but your brain was still revisiting it for some reason. So, I had you write about what happened.

 _Zuko lifts his head from his hands. His eyes are red. His breath is quickening._

J: Then I read it. And your dream journal. Zuko, you're not a spectator. Do you know what I'm getting at?

Z: ( _shaking his head_ ) No… shit… no… fuck.

J: Did you sense this all along? Or are you just now realizing this like I am?

Z: Fuck.

J: Either way, I think this is key. It could explain the why, and it might help us know how to make it better.

Z: Fuuuuuuuuuck.

J: Surely you have something else to say besides that.

Z: I AM NOT MY FATHER!

 _Zuko storms out._

* * *

 **A/N:** After this, Zuko ends up in the Agni Kai arena, where he screams for a bit and then collapses from exhaustion. When he awakes sometime later, he discovers that he is not alone. He then finds out the truth about Dr. Jung and his mother. _  
_


	10. Farewell For Now

**A/N:** This corresponds with Chapter 21 of _Rising Tide._

* * *

 _Setting: Dr. Jung's office with half the shelves burned and books missing. It's a few days after the last session. Zuko shows up unannounced.  
_

Jung: You're not due for a session for another three days.

Zuko: I heard you were leaving. Were you planning on telling me?

J: I didn't think you would miss me. You left your last session so… abruptly.

Z: All the more reason to come back.

J: I suppose.

 _They both look over at the burned shelves. Zuko takes a breath to start speaking, but Dr. Jung speaks first._

J: Well, I got rid of some of my books. I recall you thought I had too many.

Z: I…uhh, hope you kept the important ones.

J: Oh, you know, I had years of research written down for reference. Those were the first to go, of course. No need to keep those.

Z: I'm sorry.

J: I'm aware you have anger issues, Zuko. But what I want to know is what you would have done if I had been here.

Z: I…I don't know. I found out about my mother and the Joo Dees. My father had a spy watching you. His actions were reflections of his anger over what you did. It was a lot to take in at once.

J: ( _eyes widen_ ) I wasn't aware… ( _clears throat_ ) At any rate, I'm taking a trip to Ba Sing Se. I leave tomorrow. My mentor has fallen ill, so I will see to him and the work he has been doing. I might even acquire some more books. ( _raises an eyebrow_ )

Z: How long will you be gone?

J: A few weeks. A month perhaps.

Z: But what about Azula?

J: She is stable. She's reached a plateau, actually. The next step involves your mother. They need to reconcile. I've asked Dr. Yang to oversee a few sessions with them.

Z: And… what about me?

J: What about you, Zuko?

Z: I just thought… I don't know.

J: Well, we've just established that you have a tendency to act rashly out of anger. When you dream, you are role playing your father, carrying out his actions rather than being on the receiving end of them. And we know that your greatest fear is becoming like your father. I think it is _that_ fear that causes the nightmares, and I think your anger is what keeps you from being able to let it go.

 _Zuko looks down at his hands and fidgets. A few minutes of silence pass._

J: It is _my_ fear that anger is where it starts. There are certainly other things that make up your father's madness, his arrogance, jealousy, lack of control, _need_ for control, and so on and so forth. But his anger is at the core.

Z: So I _am_ like my father.

J: No Zuko, you're not. But if you let this fear and anger consume you, I can't guarantee that you won't be.

Z: So how do I stop it?

J: You have to decide that for yourself.

Z: No, you're supposed to help me!

J: I can't. This is beyond my reach.

Z: What do you mean? You said you could do it! You said you could make the pain go away!

J: I misspoke, I'm sorry.

Z: But I thought you were the expert. That's why you're here. Even after everything you've _done_ …

J: I thought being here could make up for what I did. I couldn't help her, so I would help you.

Z: SO HELP ME, THEN.

J: I still don't know any other way. To erase the pain means… to erase everything. And even then it doesn't matter because pain will find you again, like it did your mother. It's part of the human condition. It destroys us, and I haven't found the science to fix it, yet.

 _After some time…_

Z: Maybe it's not about fixing it. Maybe pain is about perception.

J: What do you mean?

Z: My father has an illegitimate son. I just met him, and his mother calls the child her savior. I was blown away at first. Born out of abuse, in my mind, a child of darkness. In hers, a child of light. Maybe the only way we can overcome the pain, is to choose to find hope in it.

J: Zuko, I'm sorry I have failed you. My mentor, Dr. Wang, he has done more work in the field than me. He actually studied your family for quite some time at the request of Avatar Roku. I plan to talk to him extensively about his research. I will get answers for you.

Z: Very well, then. Go with Agni.

* * *

 **A/N:** Zuko has hit a turning point in his recovery, but not really because of anything Dr. Jung did. I address this in my author's notes in _Rising Tide_ , Chapter 21: Finally Letting Go. Dr. Jung, however, has hit a wall, of sorts. Azula needs to reconcile with her mother in order to make progress in her own treatment, but Ursa is pretty fragile herself. Jung has made it his professional goal to rid Ursa of her pain, and he can't understand why she would willingly pursue the person who inflicted the pain in the first place. And with Zuko, he feels like they've made a breakthrough, but is bitter about his office being destroyed.

Dr. Jung has reverted to his clinical ways of understanding things. There must be a cure! But life is messy, and as soon as one thing gets cleaned up, more shit hits the fan, so to speak. Even if we erased everything and started from scratch, pain would find us anyway. Dr. Jung is not ready to hear what Zuko has to say about finding hope in a bleak situation in order to overcome. Even though that is _very_ insightful, the doctor wants textbook answers. The burning of his books is somewhat symbolic of his character development at this point in the story.


End file.
